Thursday, 20 October 2016

Maintaining a cordial relationship between Malaysia and Australia

We are all familiar with the term "Aussie" .  Then there's the word "Ocker".  I came across it when I was reading Jan Morris's "From the Four Corners" many years ago.  Strange name, I thought, for the people from Down Under.  Only when I learned to take part in the Internet World  did I discover its origin.

From Aussie Slang Dictionary - Macquarie University

Following the recent incident of the nine middle-class Australian citizens baring their all  - well, at least 99% of 'the parts that cannot be reached' *- carefully hidden by an itsy bitsy teenie weenie swimwear based on the Malaysian flag - I decided on this posting to repair and enhance the relationship between Malaysia and Australia - and to dispel the Ocker's idea of us Malaysians as 'humourless'.

All cultures of whatever colour or religion have their own set of rules and etiquette.   It's a way of organising life, of lubricating relationships and creating a sense of order.     However, we Malaysians (and especially the Malay-Muslims) have been mocked and scoffed at because we have too many taboos in our culture: no alcohol, no pork, no bikinis or mankinis. no sultry dancing, etc., etc.    Perhaps this is why Thailand and the Philippines are top of the bill for Western (and Middle East, Eastern, and Down-under) tourists.   And perhaps this is why the fun-goers have recently been so upset:

Read more about it here : ..

But what about the lands of the customers themselves?    In particular, what about Australia?   Well,
Australia has the usual set of rules pertaining to law and order and decency.   We must obey and respect them.     A visitor or an immigrant to Australia has to be reminded of the way of life of their host country, and where better to start than at this website: xc8CFU4eaAodOX4FHg

Apart from the general rule of not dropping your trousers in public, there are various things to avoid in Australia.   Here's a selection - and please ignore the black numbering in the boxes:

1.   When you're  at a football match in Australia, don't try to be too pally and exclaim to the cobber next to you: "I'll be rooting for your team, mate."   This will be an unforgivable boo boo because...


Too true, too true.  For a dose of "fair dinkum Aussie charm" , take a visit to the smaller towns.  But you won't charm the city or small town ockers if you come with the objective of pulling down your trousers and displaying the Australian flag on your  underpants!  Even if you might be able to buy underpants decorated with flags from various nations of the world at places like Chow Kit or Chowrasta it's still not nice to be that disrespectful. Don't diss the flags and symbols of other cultures.  Among other symbols .....

Diss = Aussie slang for disrespect.
You might just develop a taste for vegemite.    You might have to in a small town - your own culinary symbols (like belacan and durian) may be nowhere in sight.     And vegemite is healthier than the sight of topless men in their briefest of briefs!  (Besides, in some parts of the world you have to pay for such beefy strip shows).

Still, if you are pathetic enough to copy that arrogant tease in Australia, let's hope you can get an Australian lawyer as understanding and as sympathetic as Mr Wan Aizuddin (one of the defence lawyers for the Ocker Nine) who claimed,  "They all have good jobs in Australia and come from good families. .....  There were mitigating factors. They are young fellows.  They never meant to cause offence."

Which makes me wonder:  first, if our Mat Rempits could claim such dispensation when they're hauled into court; and second, if our ocker friends would find the courts quite so kindly if they performed their inoffensive little pranks in Singapore.......


Uluru, previously claimed as Ayers Rock by the early Aussie colonists.

Most certainly, but the same is expected of those Brits, EU Citizens, Americans, Kiwis and Aussies who visit places like Angkor Wat, Borobodur .... and Mount Kinabalu - which is also sacred, and also a favoured place for Mat (Rempit) Sallehs to show their flab.


We Malaysians ( well, to be precise, Malays from Tanah Melayu) also have a colonial history (and we too are still living with its consequences) so we will certainly respect that - provided they don't mock us as wogballs descended from monkeys or layabouts descended from pirates.

6.   For this item, you are expected to be familiar with speaking Strine and having a skin as thick as a kangaroo's hide.

I suppose what those well-heeled ockers did at Sepang was "taking the piss" out of us locals.     Wow, those Ockers set a tough standard: must we all pull down our trousers and wear the Ocker flag on our backsides in order to be respected?


The above seems like fair dinkum.  Thank you for the tip.  But something worries me.  If 'graduating  high schoolers'  celebrate end-of-school-days  'with a lot of drink-filled hormone-fuelled debauchery'' how  do the graduates and the adults celebrate the auspicious days of their life?      Should we avoid Sepang (or Mount Kinabalu) for fear of bumping into too many celebrating Ockers?

In Australia, beer and liquor are a national hobby.  For instance you have to be very precise and almost fastidious in picking your drink especially your beer. Pronounce beer without the 'r' in the land of amber fluid and gold, but when in Australia, do as the Aussies do.  Get your beer vocabulary right!

Of course. as the Aussie Nine were getting sozzled at Sepang, they would have to make do with drinking from their shoes - they can't  get a schooner or middy or pot for love or money at Sepang!

Nevertheless, Australia (like the UK) faces a fluid problem.

Just as Malaysia should be running a very serious campaign against obesity - the Australian  Government is attempting to educate their population about binge-drinking.  While on a long haul MAS flight, I picked up a magazine and was intrigued by this full-page advertisement by the Australian Government about binge drinking.

If there was no indication that this advertisement was issued by the Australian Government, I would believe that this 'nightmare' was typical of a non-Western society.  Look at the star in this advertisement: she could be Indian, Pakistani, Iranian, Syrian.   Most certainly it does not indicate a white European in Australia!!  Strange indeed!

Read more in - e-alcohol-than-ever-university-of-nsw-booze-study-reveals/news-story/6cb3d4aae51185313ecf2d50c736f729

So, it looks like Australia will have to take better care and supervision of their women folk instead of worrying themselves about foreign women in hijab and nikab and their oppression by the menfolk.   Or do only non-Europeans get drunk in Australia?


So we now know what NOT TO DO in Australia.   Well, fair enough.    But all these strictures, all these little rules of etiquette and proper conduct, beg an important question.      How do the Ockers treat the rest of the world - both within and beyond Ockerland's national boundaries?  

Firstly :  The plight of the Australian Aborigines.  (What oppression?  They're our Abos!  Never ever!!)

Read :

Secondly :  The plight of asylum seekers at Nauru.  (A cover- up of abuse by Australia, the bastion of freedom, democracy and equality and Human Rights in Asia? Well, I never!!)

Read :

Don't worry about this poster if you're coming as a tourist or a potential immigrant bringing loadsofmoney, speakee good English and maybe a bit of Strine and a credible qualification.  Not being a Muslim would also help.

Thirdly :  The plight of the Australian Great Barrier Reef.
(Doctoring of information by a country that pontificates about freedom and democracy and equality and environmental responsibility in Asia?  Never!!)

Read ;


Do you come from the land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?


 *   I can't resist putting in this advertisement  referring to 'parts that cannot be reached'.

G' day all.

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