Thursday 15 August 2013


A conversation between three Sinchiaporeans - Ah Beng  (AB),  Ah Nand  (AN)  and Ah Mad  (AM).

AB and AN:  Hey Ah Mad, Selamat Hari Raya - when you want to call us for makan?

AM: Come next week lah, bring your family okay?

AB:  You know or not? Our PM fudder got new  book on the market - good timing lah - just few days before Hari Raya.

AN:  Ya lah, this Ramadan very hot - got all sort of story like that Bak Kut Teh Ah Moi and Ah Kow.  Orso United States so worried about their people kena hantam by Taliban - they all told not to travel.

AM:  You know, sometime in 2002 or 2003 my cousin who study in UK say during Hari Raya Haji, the British garmen send their army, tanks and big guns to Heathrow Airport - they afraid Muslim attack, but actually nothing happened.  Only make people scared every time Muslim want to celebrate and have good time.

AN:  Hey Ah Mad, true or not, our PM fudder say in his book Malaysia now only say Yam Seng with syrup water?  No fire water ha ha allowed eh?

AB:  Why you so bodoh?  Where Malay got say Yam Seng and Cheers like Cina and Ang Moh?

AM:  You mean to give toast ah?  I actually donno lah.  Malay people drink teh tarik, kopi O and air bandung at celebration like wedding.  But where got  give toast?

AB:  You so stoopid lah.  Our PM fudder talk about high class, orang atas big makan - the garmen and big business dinner.  I think a lot of Cina and Indian and Mat Saleh must frust like hell man - cannot drink whisky, Courvoiser, Dom Benedictine  and Cointreau at big party in Malaysia and cannot shout Yam Seng!

AN:  Hey, you Muslim-Malay must have hard time when you campur with other people because you cannot drink - even beer also cannot.  But I orso know of some Malays who drink.

AM:  That is their business lah, but at least in public they show respect for their religion.  They can always togok in private when they want!

AB:  But that is hypocrite!

AM:  Hey Ah Beng, everywhere, every religion got hypocrite.  Those Christian priests who pray pray with little boys and girls and then pretend to be good.  They also hypocrite mah!

AN:  You know ah, you think in next book Papa Lee will scold Arab country orso - because cannot sit at same table and drink beer and do business?

AM:  Where can?  Arab got a lot of lui - all moneybag lah!  Our country want to trade with them - damn good market in Arab country.  They got so much money from oil, not like us.  We can sell them all kind of luxury product, make for them big high rise buildings, big bridges and who knows we can also make for them big mosques?  Maybe can sell them tanks and guns, but susah lah, that market now cornered by American, British and French. But we Sinchiaporeans make the best middle-man, like in Southeast Asia.  We can put customer A and B together and we can make big bucks!
Anudder thing, if the Arab come here as tourists, they will spend in one day ten times more than Indonesian and Malaysian tourist!  Who cares if they want to put on headdress, and bodydress and kakidress?  If Arab or Muslim woman don't want to shake your hand, boh chap lah!!

AN:  Hey Ah Mad, you quite clever lah - not bad, even though you got only one O level.  But in his new book, our PM fudder, he sukak the first PM of Malaysia, the Tengku because the Tengku happy to drink and say Cheers and Yam Seng.  Papa Lee so upset because Malaysian Muslims don't want to share liquor table with other people.

AB:  But you remember or not?  Singapore got kicked out of Malaysia by the Tengku, right?  So what for - all that brandy and whisky?

AM:  Ala!  All that in the past orleady.  But good lah for us Sinchiaporeans to remember that time when our PM cry on TV - so sad one.

Singapore Straits Times 2 August 1990

 But never mind, remember that year we had big celebration for the PM's birthday?

Last minute rush to sign PM's book , 16.9.90

AN:  That pome by CHIJ Primary very sweet ah?  So who care - we kena tendang eh?

AB:  Very true man!  Very true!.  Our one dollar can buy nearly 3 Malaysia ringgit mah!..No wonder so many from Malaysia come to our country to work.  They all very clever.  They work here but these Malaysians live in Johor - can buy house with land, we can only live in flats in the sky.  They can buy car, more than one.    They pay low tax, cheap petrol, no ERP, no CEO - the rice, sugar, cooking oil and petrol got subsidy by garmen.  They also say in Malaysia if your water bill below 20 ringgit, you don't have to pay one!  Here, everything we Pay And Pay!

But you know, nearly all Malaysians who work here are Chinese, Indian got some but ...........

AN:  Hey Ah Beng, why you so kayu?  COE lah!  CEO is Chief Executive Officer, the people who like to say Yam Seng.  We have COE - Certificate of Entitlement.  To buy car is like tikam, man!  You bid for COE and then .... aiyah! you look in the Wikipedia lah!

AB:  Okay, okay.  Let me finish, lah!   .... but why so little Malay come to work in Sinchiapore?

AM:  Of course lah. even Sinchiapore Malay not easy to get job - they give to Cina from Malaysia and China, and mamak from India.  Orso, got many Sinchiapore Malay run to Australia, and Malaysia.  Many are very educated one, not like me, dropout from Sinchiapore Normal Stream.  But one thing different. Sinchiapore Malay man must finish National Service and must get proper permission to stay elsewhere. Malaysian men can leave any time, any where - got no headache like National Service!!

AN:  That I agree Ah Mad.  You know that famous singer and composer  in Malaysia -M. Nasir- he was from Singapore but his talent really do well in Malaysia.  In Sinchiapore - no chance!

AM:  Hey Ah Nand, be careful what you say.  Singapore Malay talent can also succeed in Sinchiapore.  You ever hear of Khairuddin Hori?   He ... one hell of a Bigshot in Singapore Culture scene.  He got Diploma in Fine Art from Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts, orso Master degree from Open University.  His title is Multi-disciplinary Artist and Curator.  Now he is Senior Curator at Singapore Art Museum.  People like he and Wong Ming make Singapore very proud - we show people we we not only interested in making money, we orso very so-fistikated mah - like cultured western country in France, Venice, Tokyo, New York and Engerland.  This people really stand up for Singapore - like in our National Day song.

AB:  Ah, now I remember that Khairuddin Hori!  He make that video in Australia where he took off his trousers and seluar dalam in the launderette.  Wow, he very daring and got style mah!  He got more guts than in that drama .

That Khairuddin video you can get on YouTube, but don't tell your mudder and little sister - not nice lah!  Aiyoh!  If PM fudder see that, he sure to shout  'Yellow Culture' but he might be happy because he can see how this Singapore Malay not so kampung, not so traditional Muslim, not so - what word did you tell me Ah Mad - oh yes, kolot - like so many Malay-Muslims.  He is very true integrated Singapore Malay.

AM:  True lah!  I remember how in 2011 Mr. Lee Kuan Yew fed up with Malays in Singapore because they very bad at integration  because of their religion.  But for me, no way I want to take off my trousers for people to see!

AN:  Never mind all that.  In his book One Man's View of the World, Papa Lee got quite marah when he had to answer whether Malaysia could become "progressive Muslim country" ?  I read what he say, okay?

Lee, who turns 90 next month, was also asked if Malaysia could become a "progressive Muslim country", to which he replied:  "You believe that?  What do you mean by a progressive Muslim country?

"That they will not wear their headdress, that they will shake hands, men and women, and sit down, that non-Muslim can be drinking beer and have a Muslim sit down and drink coffee with him?"

AB:  Aiyah!  This man very susah lah.  If he can wear Kung Fu Sifu Mandarin coat over red long-sleeve T-shirt, why Muslim women cannot wear what they want?

US Vice President Joe Biden meets Lee Kuan Yew at the Istana Presidential Palace in Singapore July 26, 2013 

And why that Joe Biden can only get Chinese tea?  What if he want bourbon on the rocks?  Life so short lah.  Why must kaypoh other people business?

AM:  Hey Ah Beng, you got no red blood in your veins ah?  You so opiang!  People don't like to see woman all covered up.  You like or not if you can see cleavage, big boobs, big bums on women - free show man!  This is why I like woman's Lib!   But we all agree, if our wife and daughter dress like that, we give them hell!

AN:  Yah lah!   Last week  I pick up this advert at Tampines MRT Station.  Wah, I really shocked man!

Modern progressive women must spend a lot of money not only on make-up but on waxing orso so that they can show off their body like the celebrity.

AB:  Stoopid people!!  My grand mudder very beautiful - look nice in samfoo and her make-up very simple, like this face powder.

ALL THREE:  Sudah lah!  All this talk is wasting time!

AB:  Yah lah!  Time is money, we Sinchiaporeans must know that.  I can see passenger from Malaysia who want to take my taxi sapu to JB.  Good lah!  I can do my wife shopping at JB market.  She say everything there cheaper than in Singapore.  Cheep! Cheep! Make Sinchiaporean happy like bird.

You know, we Sinchiaporean not only spend big bucks in Johor, but also own many land, and shop and property and business and also people in Johor!!  Kena kick out many years ago but we still can be taukeh  in Malaysia.

Yam Seng !!!!!!

No comments: